Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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