I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize