This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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