need another drink. this is the easiest way
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
