I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize