Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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