What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
