I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
