If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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