I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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