these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
