my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
