yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
