You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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