I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
