If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize