Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
