I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
