My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You smell like stripper and shame
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize