let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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