her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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