Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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