i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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