He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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