My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
