Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
