Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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