My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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