I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
