i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
