She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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