Your tits are I can't wait for
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
