Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
