I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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