i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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