I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
