every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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