the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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