Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
