____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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