you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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