***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
