Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
