you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize