i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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