So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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