I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I look better un-naked...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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