Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
