6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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