i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
