drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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