Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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