called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
