I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wow bdsm is so cute
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
