The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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