So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
