is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
