She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
