life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
