my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
