Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
