i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
