Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
