i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
