You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
