so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize