thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
