yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
