also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize