i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
