college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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