i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
