Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
