I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
