Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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