Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize