you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
