It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
