4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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